The Musings of A Misfit Painting
by misticalcookie
Summary: The frame of Peria St. Clarence hangs on the perfect wall for her to student watch.  As the future witches and wizards go about their years at Hogwarts, Peria dangles in her frame and wishes that she was one of them.
1. Chapter 1

**The Musings of a Misfit Painting**

_The frame of Peria St. Clarence hangs on the perfect wall for her to student watch. As the future witches and wizards go about their years at Hogwarts, Peria dangles in her frame and wishes that she was one of them._

* * *

Sir Cadagon made fun of my bow again today. Sufferable nitwit. Oh I can't stand him, and the fact that he thinks he's always on a quest.

He's not.

He thinks that he's all high and mighty.

More like high and airheaded.

Cordelia, who has the frame next to mine, thinks that he's handsome.

I think she needs a new prescription for her glasses.

Unfortunately, none of the other photos know much about optometry.

No, instead, Elisha, a witch in the painting a floor above me, knows all about mythical creatures and spends her days prattling on about pixies and fairy dust. Or is it fairies and pixie dust? I can never remember.

And then there's Heidi, a witch in a third floor painting who knows all the gossip about the ghosts. She's the one to go to if you need to know who the Baron is currently screwing. And yes, ghosts can screw, trust me. They use a screwdriver to drive that screw right in. Or maybe it's a hammer and nail.

There are so many paintings here that sometimes it's hard to remember who lives where and whenever I go to visit my mum, I get so lost. She's three floors away and on the opposite side, so it's always such a pain to go visit her, I don't do it often, maybe once a day, twice if I'm really bored.

But since I do have the wonderful fortune of hanging in a school, I'm not bored most of the time. Except when those little devils are sleeping, that's the boring part. And all the other paintings are usually asleep as well.

Except me. I'm an insomniac. I never sleep. Cordelia thinks I'm weird, but I like the castle at night when everyone is asleep, it's a different place in the dark.

I watch the ghosts and listen to the teachers, I spy on the prefects as they snog in the corners.

I make a good spy. But what else is one to do when one is stuck in a frame with nothing else to do.

I live vicariously through the witches and wizards who pass through the hallways. I used to be one of them.

I used to be a witch, I had a wand, a pointy hat and those awful, uncomfortable gowns.

But like all witches, my time came to an end, and a portrait of me was hung on the wall in the hallway of Hogwarts, where I spent my childhood days snogging Thomas Rotwood. If I could do it all over again, I would have snogged Ryan Potts instead. I heard tell that he was a good at the lip biting. Then again, I heard that from Elisha, and she's the biggest gossiper of them all, so who knows for certain if the nonsense she spews is right or not.

And now I'm stuck here on the wall. For the rest of time, until one of the Headmasters gets bored of looking at my pink bow and moves me to another floor, or, the horror, to the unwanted room. I've heard horrible stories about the room where all the unwanted paintings go, there's all sorts of crap in there, and the portraits get overlooked and dusty and no one appreciates us.

So I'll just hang here and mind my own business.

Ooh, a student is out of bed, and his hands are all over that witches waist. This will be an exciting night.

* * *

Shall I continue? Or just make it a one shot?

Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

A pair of students got caught out in the halls after curfew tonight. It was fun listening to them getting yelled at. They both got a week's worth of detention. I think I'll find out what room they'll be in so I can watch them.

Although, detention is so boring nowadays. Mostly they get lines. _I must not snog the hot witch, I must not snog the hot witch._ Or, _Bewitching the paintings to talk in limericks is not funny._ Actually, I found that one extremely hilarious, because Sir Cadagon was one of the paintings that got hexed. That's what he gets for making fun of my bow.

But every now and then, watching the witches and wizards do their detention is very fun. Like just last week, where a fifth year had to follow Peeves around for three hours and pick up everything that he dropped. That was awesome. Peeves kept throwing things on purpose, the poor girl.

In a Castle as big as this one, it's easy to find ways to be entertained. Sometimes I don't have to find it because it finds me.

"LEAVE ME ALONE POTTER!"

I recognized that voice straight away. Her screaming was well known in the hallways. Always screaming at that boy who was constantly stalking her. Although, I really don't blame her, if that boy was stalking me, I'd be screaming too….just in a different context.

"Aw, but Lily, you know you want to snog me."

Lily's face turned beet red, it did that several times a day. It didn't help that she had red hair. It seemed like gingers blushed more frequently. Poor girl.

"I'll snog you," I called from my painting. Either James didn't hear me, or he was ignoring me. I hoped it was the first.

"Oh give it up Peria, you're just a portrait," Cordelia said from my right side. Have I mentioned how much I hate that girl?

"People kiss portraits all the time."

"You're insane Peria," Cordelia said as she rolled her eyes.

Lily shot one last angry glance at James before stomping away.

"I could really use some popcorn," Mrs. Bennett, the witch in the portrait to my left said.

Mrs. Bennett had been a very popular witch back in her day. And she was probably the only portrait in the whole castle who I really got along with. I could listen to her talk about the good old days for hours on end without getting bored.

"I miss food," I said, as I remembered the feasts that I used to eat back when I went to the school. It seemed like forever ago when I wandered the halls of this castle on my own two legs. Now I wander through the other portraits in the hallway.

It can get very crowded sometimes. One time, we managed to stuff fifteen of us into Lucille Du'vall's frame, I think I accidently stepped on someone's fingers. But Lucille had the best view in which to see the famous brawl between Engris and Maita. That had been a long time ago.

James was still sulking in the hallway. I waved at him, but he wasn't really paying attention. Still hurting over being turned down by Lily…again.

Poor fellow. I knew how to cheer him up.

"Hey mate," that silly overgrown mongrel said as he loped into view. His name was Sirius, but he looked more like a mutt to me. "Wanna go toss the quaffle around?"

The two boys left my hallway, leaving me bored as ever.

Or at least, until the next bit of excitement came to my attention.


End file.
